January 2007 OWW SF, F & H Newsletter

THE WORKSHOP NEWSLETTER

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O | The Online Writing Workshop for SF, F & H Newsletter, January 2007
W | http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com
W | Become a better writer!

| - - CONTENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

- Workshop News:
       OWW welcomes new Resident Editor
       February writing challenge
       Market news
       Face-to-face writing group
       Oddysey workshop 2007
       Membership payment information
- Editors' Choices for December 2006 submissions
- Reviewer Honor Roll
- Publication Announcements
- Workshop Statistics
- Tips & Feedback


| - - WORKSHOP NEWS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

In late December, OWW upgraded our server environment to provide
better security and service to our members.  In fact, the only hitch
was that the security was a little too good and for a few days,
some members had trouble posting anything with the word "curl" in it! 
But we ironed out those wrinkles... or wrinkled out those irons... and
everything is working smoothly now.

We also want to congratulate OWW graduate Sarah Prineas, who announced
a three book deal with HarperCollins this past month. She writes: "Yay
OWW!  Man, do I ever remember those lonely days back in 2000, living
in Germany with a tiny baby and no friends, and absolutely relying on
the OWW for community as I started out being a writer. And ho boy! 
Seems like a long time ago, now."

Read all the details about Sarah's deal -- and other member successes
-- in "Sales and Publications."


OWW WELCOMES NEW RESIDENT EDITOR

This month marks the first Editor's Choice review by our new OWW
Resident Editor for Fantasy, John Klima.  John began his career in
publishing in 1993 by taking an internship with Jim Frenkel, an editor
with Tor Books. After that, he put in time writing software reviews
and working for crossword puzzle magazines before landing an editorial
assistant position with _Asimov's_ and _Analog_ science fiction
magazines. Based on his experience there, John was offered a position
as an editor at Tor Books.

John worked at Tor for two years -- during that time acquiring Alex
Irvine's first novel A SCATTERING OF JADES -- before he left
publishing for the high-profile life of a computer programmer. He's
currently a librarian.   Unable to leave publishing entirely,  John
launched _Electric Velocipede_ in 2001. During his five-plus years
editing Electric Velocipede, John has published OWW authors like
Charles Coleman Finlay, Steve Nagy, and Andre Oostman, as well as
other writers including Liz Williams, Jeff VanderMeer, Jeffrey Ford,
Catherynne M. Valente, Hal Duncan, Neal Barrett Jr., Christopher Rowe,
and Alex Irvine.

John has also worked with independent publishers, editing Zoran
Zivkovic's THE FOURTH CIRCLE for the Ministry of Whimsy, and Liz
Williams' story collection THE BANQUET OF THE LORDS OF NIGHT AND OTHER
STORIES for Night Shade Books.  He is the editor of a new anthology
forthcoming from Bantam Spectra.  We welcome him to OWW.


FEBRUARY WRITING CHALLENGE

Jodi, Challenge Dictator, Unicorn Warlord, and general menace, issues
this month's challenge!

Thanks to some comments on the mailing list, February's challenge is
luuuuuurve...

In space!

I believe the exact example was "bodice rippers on Mars," which sounds
hilarious, so double points if you write something like that.

All right! Lurve in space! Go write some stories.

Remember: These are supposed to be fun, but don't forget to stretch
yourself. If you normally write fantasy, try SF. If you've never tried
space opera, here's your chance. It doesn't have to be great. It's all
about trying new things. There's no word limit, no time limit, no
nothin'. Just have fun. :)

Please don't post your challenge pieces to the workshop until FEBRUARY
first. Include "FEBRUARY Challenge" in your title so you can show off 
how fancy you are to all your friends.

For more details on the challenges, check the OWW Writer Space at:
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/tike/tiki-index.php?page=Challenges


MARKET NEWS

_Flash Me Magazine_ (http://flashme.wingedhalo.com) is proud to
present its "Flash for Big Cash" contest!  This is a FEE-BASED
contest, with prizes up to $200.00  The contest will begin January 1,
2007 and will run until February 28, 2007. Stories may be from any
genre, but must be between 250 and 750 words. You can enter as many
stories as you like, but each story must be sent in a separate email
and a separate entry fee is required for each story.  For more
information, please read the Official Rules at:
http://www.wingedhalo.com/fundraisers.html


FACE-TO-FACE WORKSHOP

Bill Freedman, who you can find listed in this month's "Sales and
Publications," asked us to pass on this: "Our writers' group meets
monthly in Huntington, NY. Our roster has consistently hovered around
five members; we are looking to expand that to around seven, providing
we can keep the quality up. Current and past members' works have
appeared in _F&SF_, _Cemetery Dance_, _Tangent_, _Abyss & Apex_ and
many other respected markets. If you know of anyone on Long Island and
would benefit from face-to-face crit, please pass my e-mail address on
to them. We're looking for people who have publication credits
already, but will consider skilled newcomers case-by-case."  E-mail
Charlie at OWW Support to be connected if you're in the Long Island
area and interested.


ODYSSEY WRITING WORKSHOP ANNOUNCES SUMMER 2007 SESSION

Since its inception in 1996, Odyssey has earned a place as one of the
most respected workshops for science fiction, fantasy, and horror.
Forty-six percent of Odyssey graduates go on to professional
publication. The six-weeek program is held every summer on Saint
Anselm College's beautiful campus in Manchester, NH. Odyssey's
founder, director, and primary instructor is OWW Resident Editor
Jeanne Cavelos, a best-selling author and former senior editor at
Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing, where she won a World Fantasy Award
for her work.

This year's Writer-in-Residence is Nina Kiriki Hoffman, author of
novels, juvenile and media tie-in books, short story collections, and
more than 200 short stories. Her works have been finalists for the
Nebula, World Fantasy, Sturgeon, and Endeavour awards. Guest lecturers
include Michael A. Burstein, Rodman Philbrick, Michael A. Arnzen,
Elizabeth Hand, John Clute, and George Scithers.

The workshop runs from June 11th to July 20th, 2007. The Odyssey
website (http://www.odysseyworkshop.org) offers writing and publishing
tips, a class syllabus, and articles by graduates about their Odyssey
experiences. Information about the new Odyssey Critique Service is
also available on the website. Prospective students, aged eighteen and
up, apply from all over the world. Those interested in applying to the
workshop should visit the website, phone/fax (603) 673-6234, or e-mail
jcavelos@sff.net. The application deadline is APRIL 13th.


MEMBERSHIP PAYMENT INFORMATION

How to pay: In the U.S., you can pay by PayPal or send us a check or
money order. Outside of the U.S., you can pay via PayPal (though
international memberships incur a small set-up fee); pay via Kagi
(www.kagi.com--easier for non-U.S. people); send us a check in U.S.
dollars drawn on a U.S. bank (many banks can do this for you for a
fee); or send us an international money order (available at some banks
and some post offices).  If none of those options work for you, you
can send us U.S. dollars through the mail if you choose, or contact us
about barter if you have interesting goods to barter (not services).

Scholarship fund and gift memberships: you can give a gift membership
for another member; just send us a payment by whatever method you
like, noting who the membership is for and specifying whether the gift
is anonymous or not.  We will acknowledge receipt to you and the
member.  Or you can donate to our scholarship fund, which we use to
fully or partially cover the costs of an initial paying membership for
certain active, review-contributing members whose situations do not
allow them to pay the full membership fee themselves.

Bonus payments: The workshop costs only 94 cents per week, but we know
that many members feel that it's worth much more to them.  So here's
your chance to award us with a bonus on top of your membership fee.
For example, is the workshop worth five dollars a month to you? Award
us a $11 bonus along with your $49 membership fee. 25% of any bonus
payments we receive will go to our support staff, sort of like a tip for good 
personal service. The rest will be tucked away to lengthen the shoestring 
that is our budget and keep us running!

For more information:
Payments: http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/memberships.shtml
Bonus payments and information about our company:
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/bonuspayments.shtml
Price comparisons:
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/memberships_comparison.shtml


| - - EDITORS' CHOICES - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

The Editors' Choices are chosen from the submissions from the previous
month that show the most potential or otherwise earn the admiration of
our Resident Editors.  Submissions in four categories -- SF, F,
horror, and short stories -- receive a detailed review, meant to be
educational for others as well as the author.

This month's reviews are written by our Resident Editors, Jeanne
Cavelos, John Klima, Karin Lowachee, and Kelly Link. The last four
months of Editors' Choices and their editorial reviews are archived on
the workshop.  Go to the "Read, Rate, Review" page and click on
"Editors' Choices."

Congratulations to the current Editors' Choice authors!

Editor's Choice, December, Fantasy Chapter/Partial Chapter:
THE GARDENER by Rachel Swirsky

Rachel Swirsky's prologue to THE GARDENER is a great introductory
piece; there is a lot of hinted-at history and potential conflict that
the author will be able to effectively exploit in the meat of a novel.

The prologue introduces Alex, his sister Selene, their grandmother,
and by proxy their mother. Alex is no longer living at home, and it
becomes apparent that he left due to his mother. I like how real the
three people, and their interactions, seem. They read very much like
people you might meet on the street, or people you grew up with. There
are many little character tics that make them come to life, things
like Alex's constant sarcasm, Selene's constant chewing of her bottom
lip, or the grandmother's sense of world weariness. In real life,
everyone has little things that set them apart from each other.
Without these little character traits, a story can read very flatly.

The concept of faith versus the supernatural provides one source of
conflict for THE GARDENER. The prologue opens with Alex lying down on
a life-sized, aluminum foil wrapped crucifix. There is a definite view
towards faith or the supernatural from each character. Alex seems
agnostic at best or atheistic at worst; tossing off sarcastic remarks
about how he shouldn't be 'cross' or dismissing his mother by saying
"She thinks a lot of things come from the devil." Both Selene and her
mother have a strong faith in God, although it's expressed negatively,
as exampled in Selene's line "The devil is active in this world."
Finally, their grandmother seems to have a complex faith, as she
responds to Selene's statement with "So is God" but at the same time
she performs a cleansing ritual on Alex with herbs, candles, and
chanting that is better suited to paganism.

In this way, these three characters represent a series of alliances
against an odd man out. Alex and Selene oppose their grandmother by
talking behind her back and also oppose their mother by wanting to get
their family back together. Selene and her grandmother unite together
against Alex's sarcasm and his lack of seriousness. And finally, Alex
and his grandmother are strange bedfellows against the devout faith of
Selene and her mother. This triumvirate of conflict provides the
author with numerous ways to have the characters interact with and
against each other. Two characters that are united in one way in a
scene could quickly be in conflict with each other the next. These
already tenuous groupings will be tested as more characters are
introduced and the story progresses.

Swirsky's prologue has some small problems that I see fairly often in
fiction, especially with descriptions of physical space. It's the type
of thing where one paragraph the protagonist is eating breakfast and
the next paragraph he's stepping out of his car, but the transition of
what happened in between is missing.

For example, Alex is given a fig to eat by his grandmother. Alex asks
if he can sit up to eat it, but shortly thereafter, Alex's grandmother
places a bowl above his head. Either Alex never sat up, or he has lain
back down and the reader never saw it. We know the bowl is not
suspended in the air as the description places it at the top of the
aluminum foil crucifix, which is lying on the floor.

Another, more subtle, example is when the grandmother steps away from
Selene and Alex. The siblings strike up a conversation. The attic
apartment that their grandmother is living in is not sufficiently
described to understand if the two siblings could have a private
conversation. When Selene glances over her shoulder to see where their
grandmother is, it almost reads as if the grandmother is a few feet
from them. We don't know if the grandmother is still in the same room
with them or in a different one. I'd like to have a better sense of
the layout of the apartment to know more precisely how their
conversation worked.

Parts of the apartment are described wonderfully. Since it's an attic
apartment, the ceiling is sloped. Alex's grandmother is described as
barely five feet tall. There is beautiful phrasing to create the
awkwardness of the ceiling. At the same time, Swirsky is able to
describe the grandmother and explain how Alex has respect for his
grandmother: "Under the sloped roof of her attic apartment, she moved
like a giant, the top of her hair brushing the rafters." This is then
coupled against the sentence, "Visitors had to stoop." It shows how
power and strength are not necessarily tied to size.

It also gives the prologue a necessary sense of claustrophobia since
everything is physically close and tight to each other. This aids to
the surreality of the description of the ritual and the visions that
Alex has in his head while Selene and their grandmother perform. The
unnatural location helps the reader empathize with Alex and feel some
of the disorientation that he feels during and at the end of the
ritual. At the same time, the lack of definitive description combats
this closeness and opens the space up for the reader when I feel it
would be better served to feel closed in and tight. The characters are
willingly performing a ritual they know other people would disapprove
of, and making the space small and the atmosphere tight would make the
reader uncomfortable, too.

Swirsky has done an admirable job of grabbing the reader's attention.
As I mentioned before, there is a lot of history among these
characters that has lead to a lot of tension that will be very
interesting to see resolved (or not). There is also something
definitely wrong with Alex that needs to be repaired which drives the
history and tension for his family. And finally, when her ritual
fails, Alex's grandmother insists that Alex needs to leave Los Angeles
before he can get better. To me, Alex and Selene read as young people,
so being told that he has to leave the only place he's ever lived
should be pretty traumatic to Alex.

However, I think the reader should get a little more history here in
the prologue to know why the grandmother feels that Alex has something
wrong with him. Obviously living on the streets is not a good thing,
but perhaps other examples can be given to show how things happen to
Alex that are beyond his control or just plain bad/unfortunate. When
Alex and Selene talk about their mother, there should be an example of
what she was like that caused Alex to leave home which would reinforce
why how she's currently is strange to the two of them.

I am looking forward to reading more about Alex and learning about
what's wrong with him and what needs to be done to help him. I can't
wait to meet his mother and see what home is/was like.

--John Klima
Editor of _Electric Velocipede_
http://www.electricvelocipede.com


Editor's Choice, December, SF Chapter/Partial Chapter:
MAX TONNAGE AND THE SPACE PIRATES -- CHAP. 2 by Eric Lowe 

Good stories are strong on characterization, milieu, plotting, and for
me, voice -- in broad strokes. These to me are the building blocks.
I've talked a lot about these elements in one form or another and for
this month's EC I want to point out the importance of milieu.

Everything in order though. First, I have to admit that the title of
this submission put me off a little. It reads like kitschy SF even
though the story itself is far from it. It does give a good play on
the name of the protagonist, and alludes to the wry humor that runs
throughout the story, but even considering the tone of the book,
seeing "space pirates" in any SF title nowadays can alienate (pun
intended) so many people who might otherwise be drawn in by great
storytelling and/or strong characters. The only reason I suggest
altering or changing the title is because I think the book as far as
I've read it is more than what that title might imply, and first
impressions do count for something.

Once we actually start the chapter, it's clear that the author has a
great command of the language and a strong sense of storytelling. The
descriptions of the "goddesses" are colorful as well as foreshadowing,
and have an immediate impact of curiosity. This is what you want at
the beginning of chapters especially so people continue to read. For
example, the last line of the preamble in this chapter, "And finally
there was the Goddess Li Hwa, who summoned the rain with her tears,"
is followed immediately with Comrade Li. At this point the reader
wonders, how did we get from Comrade Li to Goddess Li, are they even
the same people...?

Because the first chapter ended on the plot point of Bob wanting to
help the goddess to defect, the building blocks are already being
laid. We know that we aren't talking about literal goddesses, but some
sort of AI, which all help in fleshing out the milieu of this future
society. The accumulation of world and story details as the chapter
progresses eventually circle right around again to the Goddess and we
do in fact find out it is the same woman as Comrade Li... but now
she's changed. As an encapsulated chapter that tells, in a real way, a
mini-story within the larger story, it works perfectly.

The characterization is fantastic. Without a lot of fat on the
narrative, the author describes these people with wit and originality.
For example:

On the contrary, Li Hwa was not free to leave. One does
not refuse even a voluntary summons from the Party elite. Instead, she
snapped a salute at the old men seated round the conference table and
came to attention. In crisp dress greens with holster, belt, and
lanyard, she was the very model of Socialist determination. She was
determined not to cry. 

There is a great play on words and meaning throughout this chapter
that makes the narrative not just a vehicle to tell the story, but a
joy to  read and put together. What the author does effortlessly with
character and ideas, however, could be a little more applied toward
the environment. After reading this chapter I had a good feeling for
the people involved, the social situation, and the interesting tech,
but very little sense about the physical landscape. To make a novel as
complete as possible, while still maintaining your own style, can be a
trick. I wouldn't suggest the author burden the narrative with verbose
descriptions or write in any way that is not in keeping with the
strong style displayed here (writing with a strong voice or style is
definitely a plus, to fend off the rather bland SF voice that
permeates a lot of unpublished -- and published -- genre fiction), but
paying more attention to simple world details would raise the bar.

For example: "President Fang called for security and grim, helmeted
men emerged from the corners with their weapons raised." I believe
this is one of the first, if not the first real mention of the room
itself that this meeting takes place in. The only other surroundings
description given is a conference table. While the room to the author
might be a simple institution-style environment -- beige walls? tiled
floors? -- it would take very little to draw a more specific picture
of it all to enhance the narrative. We are dealing with a government
that most of the readers aren't closely familiar with; what might set
apart being inside this future Chinese government from being inside a
future Western one? Utilize telling details -- specific, important
details -- to enhance this world, the milieu, that you are drawing the
reader into. Are there banners or photographs on the walls of dead
Communist politicians? What other items or things could be in a room
such as this to reinforce to the reader that we're dealing in a future
society?

It is a trick to seamlessly describe surroundings that your
protagonists would take for granted, but considering this is a
somewhat open third person (it's not tight third), the writer can take
a few moments to throw out descriptions of things that are unfamiliar
to the reader, if not the characters. Drop details to the surroundings
just as it is done with story and plot, along the way to build as we
go, and this novel will surely shine even more than it does already.

--Karin Lowachee
Author of BURNDIVE and CAGEBIRD
http://www.karinlowachee.com


Editor's Choice, December, Short Story:
"The Dragon's Teeth" by Sylvia Volk

Our apologies!  Kelly Link's review is not in this newsletter, but
will be posted to the workshop's Editor's Choices area as soon as we
receive it.


Editor's Choice, December, Horror:
"The Charnel House" by Debbie Smith

In this story, Leah, an American tourist in Egypt, is lured to the
Charnel House, to be used by the goddess Selket as a sacrifice to
bring a dead monk back to life.  While two others are killed, she is
spared, either because she promised to worship Selket or because she
was judged to be good.

The setting is very strong in this story, with vivid, evocative
details. While I've read many stories set in Egypt, this one provides
a fresh perspective and some different elements that keep me
interested and make me feel like I'm there.  The knowledge of Egypt
and its culture displayed in the story also makes me trust the author.
 The bond of trust between author and reader is critical; if we
readers don't feel we're in good hands, if we don't believe the author
knows what she's talking about or what she's doing, we won't be able
to enjoy the story.  Another benefit of this knowledge is that, as I
read the story, I feel like I'm learning something.  Oddly, this is
one of the pleasures readers look for when they read fiction.  While
fiction's main focus is not education, showing us things we haven't
seen before and teaching us things we didn't know before can add to a
story's appeal.

Debbie, I liked the first half of your story very much.  As Leah
searched for something she couldn't name, the story actually reminded
me a bit of A PASSAGE TO INDIA, which is a huge compliment. You do a
good job of building suspense through her anxious encounters with the
locals and her decision to follow the advice of one and go to the
Charnel House, which the reader fears is a set-up.  For me, the story
failed when Leah saw people "dressed in what looked like ancient
Egyptian costumes and . . . engaged in a ceremony of some sort" and
decided to climb down a dangerous staircase to reach them.

Part of the problem is that it's always difficult for a story that's
gone a fair way without any obvious supernatural elements to suddenly
introduce them.  The readers have to struggle to maintain their
belief.  In this case, you had previously talked about New Agers in
costumes performing ceremonies, and how silly they seemed.  So as soon
as you described these people in Egyptian costumes, I thought they
were silly, and I wasn't in the frame of mind to think of them as
believable or compelling.  I also have silly images of ancient Egypt
already in my head, thanks to movies like "The Mummy," so you have to
work hard to overcome those.  Another part of the problem is that the
character's motivation has not been sufficiently established.  That's
the element I'd like to discuss a bit more here.

One of the four most common character problems I see in stories is
that of the "puppet."  A puppet character is one that seems to think,
feel, or do things only because the author wants her to.  We feel the
author's hand manipulating the character and so the story.  The
character never truly comes to life.  To become really involved in a
story, we need to believe the character is doing things because that's
what she'd do.

In the case of Leah, there are several reasons why she feels like a
puppet and not like a "real" person.  First, her background and
knowledge seem inconsistent.  At times, she seems to have a great deal
of knowledge about Egypt, its culture, and its ancient gods.  For
example, she knows that ancient law requires streets be wide enough so
that two loaded camels can pass one another.  Yet at other times, she
seems ignorant and inexperienced. She doesn't know how to deal with a
persistent shopkeeper, and she's never heard of St. Catherine's, which
is a popular tourist spot.  I don't need to know exactly where her
knowledge has come from, but I need to have a sense that her knowledge
is consistent.  If she's read a basic travel guidebook, she'd know
tips for dealing with obnoxious vendors and she'd know of St.
Catherine's.  If she hasn't read a guidebook, then there are many
things she currently knows that she wouldn't know.  If she's spent the
last five years studying the ancient Egyptian gods with her fruity New
Age friends, then she'd probably have a mix of accurate and inaccurate
facts about that ancient culture.  But all her ancient knowledge seems
very accurate.  So I'm left feeling she's not quite clear or
consistent.

Another reason Leah seems like a puppet is that her reactions to
things are generally told and not shown.  When you tell us she's
feeling something, we just have to take your word for it; it feels
forced.  When you show us she's feeling something, then we feel what
she's feeling, and we are totally convinced.  Remember that showing
means using concrete sensory details, while telling involves
abstractions and judgments.

For example, you write, "Suddenly all Leah's frustration and
disappointment with this trip overwhelmed her."

"Frustration" and "disappointment" are abstractions.  You are telling
me she is (and has been) frustrated and disappointed.  I haven't felt
this, and I'm not convinced she's felt it.  Instead of telling us her
feelings, you need to choose sensory details that show me she is
frustrated and disappointed. For example, you could show Leah walking
down street after street looking for something and being unable to
find it, and she could notice details that show her how modern and
Westernized this culture has become, not at all the mysterious culture
she was hoping to find.  What the story has actually showed me up to
this point is Leah succeeding in finding what she was looking for, and
encountering some truly exotic and mysterious items, so "frustration
and disappointment" doesn't seem to reflect her experience.

A couple other examples of telling us about Leah's emotions:

--  "To say it piqued her interest was an understatement."
--  "Leah could feel the power flowing down the slopes." (also an
example of filtering)
--  "While part of her mind screamed in terror . . ."--I had no idea
she was feeling terror at this point.
--  "Leah's mind struggled to grasp what was happening to her."--You
could show this by giving us several scattered, incomplete
thoughts.

You even have the character wondering at one point why she is doing
what she's doing.  If she's being forced by Selket to move forward,
that needs to be clearer.  She still seems to be making her own
decisions at this point, so it doesn't seem consistent.

A third reason Leah seems like a puppet is that her motivation is
weak.  She is basically a puppet of Selket, who with her god-like
powers is a stand-in for the author, manipulating all the events of
the story.  If you could develop a bit more what Leah is seeking, that
would strengthen her character.  What sort of spiritual lack does she
feel?  Make it as specific as possible.  Is she looking for a reason
why her puppy had to die?  Has she found herself taking stupid chances
with her life for the thrill, and is she searching for some greater
thrill?  Is she rebelling against the religion of her parents?  If
you've read Clive Barker's "The Hellbound Heart" or seen the movie
HELLRAISER based on it, you know that his story also involves a
character, Frank, searching for something more in his life.  Frank's
motivation is quickly and convincingly established, and he always
seems like he is driving the story, not the author.  You don't need to
spend paragraphs explaining her life and motivation; a few details
mixed into the flow of events can be very revealing.  You could also
give us a bit more on her New Age experiences and what was lacking in
them.  I never really believe she spent any time around New Agers,
because those ideas never enter into her perception of Egypt.

Another way you might make Leah seem more believable is to have her
take a few more precautions as she descends into the subterranean
levels of the Charnel House, ones the reader can identify with.  We're
basically in "don't go into the basement!" territory here, and the
more sensible and smart the heroine is, the more we will relate to
her.  She could prop open a door to prevent being locked inside, could
take out a tiny flashlight on her keychain to help light her way, try
calling her driver on her cell phone to make sure he doesn't leave
without her, and so on.

One final topic I want to mention: while your writing is generally
pretty strong, you have a tendency to repeat words.  This is a problem
for many writers.  For example, Leah's gaze "came to rest on a woman
dressed in a robe that hugged her womanly curves."  You don't need
"womanly" in this sentence.  Reading your work out loud should help
you spot these repetitions.

You're a strong writer.  I hope these comments are helpful.

--Jeanne Cavelos
Editor of THE MANY FACES OF VAN HELSING and author of INVOKING DARKNESS
http://www.sff.net/odyssey

| - - REVIEWER HONOR ROLL - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

The Reviewer Honor Roll area of the workshop recognizes members who
have given useful, insightful reviews.  After all, that's what makes
the workshop go, so we want to give great reviewers a little
well-earned recognition!

If you got a really useful review and would like to add the reviewer
to the Reviewer Honor Roll, use our online honor-roll nomination form
-- log in and link to it from the bottom of the Reviewer Honor Roll
page at http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml. Your
nomination will appear on the first day of the next calendar month.

The Honor Roll will show all January nominations beginning February 1.
Meanwhile, here are two advance highlights from this month:

Reviewer: Zvi Zaks
Submission: Seamus Chapter 4 by Marianne van Gelder
Submitted by: Marianne van Gelder
Nominator's Comments: Zvi has spent a lot of time thinking about my
characters and my writing, not just on this chapter, but across
several stories I'm working on at once. He has shown incredible
patience when I put chapters up and take them down -- and shares his
insights even when the original material is no longer available for
adding his critique. He is generous with his time, going through my
stories line by line to help me understand what works and what
doesn't. He may think he's being "harsh" but I'd rather know here what
works and what doesn't than be embarassed when I send it out to an
agent and get back a response that points out fixable problems! Zvi --
Thanks for all the time and thought you've put into helping me improve
my story telling skills.

Reviewer: cathy freeze
Submission: The Boy with Green Eyes (Part 1 of 2) Revised by Thomas Bolme
Submitted by: Thomas Bolme
Nominator's Comments: Cathy took an enormous amount of time to go line
by line throughout the piece, explaining not only her feelings as to
why she had a concern about a given issue, but also giving advice on
how it could be made better. In doing so, she helped to greatly
improve the second draft of the story.

Reviewers nominated to the honor roll during December include: Susan
Elizabeth Curnow, Ruv Draba, cathy freeze, Barbara Gordon, Rayne Hall,
Jon Paradise, Sarah Marie Smith, Marianne van Gelder (3), Sylvia Volk.

We congratulate them all for their excellent reviews. All nominations
received in December can be still found through January 31 at:
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml


| - - PUBLICATION ANNOUNCEMENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

We can't announce them if you don't let us know! So drop Charlie a
line at support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com whenever you have good
news to share.

OWW Member Sales and Publications:

Rae Dawn Carson sold "Fugue," the story that shall not be known as
"Crazy Dungeon Dude, " to _Weird Tales_.  Rae writes: "This piece was
workshopped as 'Painted Songs" and was a victim...er...beneficiary of
the Great Crit Marathon of 2005. So, HUGE thanks to all 15 of you who
reviewed it, particularly to PJ Thompson, Charlie Finlay, Michael
Merriam, Jodi Meadows, Holly McDowell, Jaime Voss, Jeremy Yoder, and
Aaron Brown."

Elizabeth Ann Ensley's story "Shadow Play" will appear in THE
PARASITORIUM II: PARASITIC SANDS, and her story "Crow's Feat" will
appear in _Free Fall_ in February, 2007.

Mark Fewell sold his story "Fading" to the webzine _Written Word_
(http://www.writtenwordmag.com).

Charles Coleman Finlay sold "The Minutemen's Witch" to _Fantasy &
Science Fiction_.  He thanks Rae Carson, chance morrison, and Amber
van Dyk for their help on it, and says, "Yes, Amber, it was the egg.
It was all the egg."

Bill Freedman sold his short story "Intentions" to the HOLY HORRORS
anthology, paying pro rates and due out in autumn, 2007.  Bill writes:
"OWW made this possible because it introduced me to fellow Long Island
writers Wendy Delmater and Eric Bresin. The three of us founded a crit
group that has been meeting monthly for more than two years now. Eric,
Wendy and our partners were instrumental in providing the feedback to
bring 'Intentions' up to a publishable level."

Patty Jansen's short story "Bigger Fish" will be part of the FANTASTIC
WONDER STORIES anthology that will be launched at Swancon during
Easter weekend. Patty sends "thanks to OWW members Satima Flavell,
Karen Kobylarz, Kevin Miller, Stelios Touchtidis, Melissa Bowden, Greg
Byrne and Zvi Zaks for reviewing. Some of you good friends said this
could never be published, which made me all the more determined to
show that it could."

Heidi Kneale e-mailed us with a sale and a problem. "Am I getting
cynical, forgetful in my old age or simply coming to terms that I
regularly sell stuff, but I forgot to mention that I sold a
slipstream/fantasy story called 'A Little Help' to _Unbelieveable
Stories_ a few weeks ago.  Forgive me for forgetting about the
occasional story or article (hmmm... did I forget one of those too?),
but if you ever find me forgetting to mention a book sale, please give
me the reaming I deserve."  She didn't forget the article. "Where's
the Sci-Fi" is being presented on the Academic Track of the "Life, the
Universe & Everything" Science Fiction and Fantasy Symposium at
Brigham Young University. You can download it here:
(http://www.heliotropemag.com/Issue01/pdf/Heliotrope_pg39-
45_WheresTheSciFi.pdf)

Michael Merriam sold his short story "Over the Bridge" to _The Harrow_
(http://www.theharrow.com). Michael would like to thank the workshop
members John Schoffstall, Sam Butler, Juliet Nordeen, Chris Russo, and
Wendy Bartlett for their work on this story so long ago.

Camille Mulan sold her flash story "Terrorists: The Next Generation,"
in which radioactive gophers defend their homeland from pesky humans,
to _AlienSkin_.  She tells us this is a "happy way to start the new
year! Though this wasn't workshopped through OWW, F.R.R. Mallory of
OWW did provide me with some valuable feedback."

Sarah Prineas sold three YA fantasy books to Melanie Donovan at
HarperCollins for a good, no, make that "freaking amazing" deal.
Hardcover publication of the first book, currently called MAGIC THIEF,
will be in winter 2009 (so as not to compete with He Who Shall Not Be
Named), with paperback publication a year later on publication of the
second hardcover, and so on. Sarah gives credit to OWW: "Without the
OWW, I never would have taken writing seriously or taken myself as a
writer seriously."

Karen Swanberg's novella, "Memory of Touch," is up at _Abyss and Apex_
(http://www.abyssandapex.com/200701-memorytouch.html) Karen tells us:
"I received an amazing amount of help from OWW members and others: Pen
Hardy and the DROWWZoo Focus Group, William Freedman, Wendy S.
Delmater, Bonnie Freeman, Melinda Goodin, chance m, Suzann Dodd, and
from the long-dead s-ent yagoo group: R.M. Koske and Starr. As well as
Terry and my wonderful face-to-face writers group."


| - - WORKSHOP STATISTICS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

Number of members as of 1/19:  591 paying, 53 trial
Number of submissions currently online: 356
Percent of submissions with 3 or more reviews:  63.20%
Percent of submissions with zero reviews:  2.81%

Average reviews per submission (all submissions): 4.64
Estimated average review word count (all submissions):  781.44  

Number of submissions in December: 216
Number of reviews in December: 782
Ratio of reviews/submissions in December: 3.62
Estimated average word count per review in December: 898.58

Number of submissions in January to date: 168
Number of reviews in January to date: 638
Ratio of reviews/submissions in January to date: 3.80
Estimated average word count per review in January to date: 783.02

Total number of under-reviewed submissions: 86 (24.2%)
Number over 3 days old with 0 reviews: 6
Number over 1 week old with under 2 reviews: 37
Number over 2 weeks old with under 3 reviews: 43


| - - FEEDBACK - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |


Got a helpful tip for your fellow members?  A trick or hint for
submitting or reviewing, for what to put in your author's comments,
for getting good reviews, or for formatting or titling your
submission?  Share it with us and we'll publish it in the next
newsletter.  Just send it to support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com and
we'll do the rest.

Until next month -- just write!

The Online Writing Workshop for Science Fiction, Fantasy & Horror
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com
support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com


| - - Copyright 2007 Online Writing Workshops - - - - - - - - - - - |
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