O | The Del Rey Digital Writing Workshop Newsletter, June 2001
W | delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com
W | Become a better writer!
| - - CONTENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
- Workshop Partner Information
- Workshop News:
E-mail alerts coming before next month
Banner month for member sales
OWW horror workshop now online
Reminders
- Editors' Choices for May submissions
- Reviewer Honor Roll and reviewer prize
- Publication Announcements
- Workshop Statistics
- Feedback:
Poll question: weekly reporting
Tips from fellow workshoppers
| - - WORKSHOP PARTNER INFORMATION - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
Online Writing Workshops's partnership with Del Rey Books continues
through March 5, 2002, making membership in the workshop free to all.
Visit the Del Rey Books Web site for sample chapters of upcoming
books, in-depth features, author interviews, special offers, and more:
http://www.randomhouse.com/delrey
Del Rey's featured title for June/July:
STAR WARS: CLOAK OF DECEPTION by James Luceno
"The Chancellor has little real power... He is mired down by baseless
accusations of corruption. A manufactured scandal surrounds him, "
Senator Palpatine told Queen Amidala in Episode I. Tracing the
thrilling chain of events that leads up to the Republic's current
chaotic state, this exciting novel follows Chancellor Valorum as he
struggles with his fall from power and the dark forces who have
benefited greatly from his weakened position. Hoping to stem the
growing tide of unrest, Valorum convenes an emergency trade summit on
the planet Eriadu. At his request, a group of Jedi Knights is sent to
protect the delegates from possible terrorist attack. But what should
have been a simple peacekeeping assignment turns out to be a mission
into the heart of a political firestorm.
(Get a special STAR WARS: CLOAK OF DECEPTION tear-off poster from
bookstores while supplies last.)
Read an excerpt at:
http://www.randomhouse.com/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=0345442989&view=excerpt
| - - WORKSHOP NEWS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
E-MAIL ALERTS COMING BEFORE NEXT MONTH!
Our new Telltales system of e-mail alerts will be implemented before
the next newsletter--probably by the end of the month. You'll be able
to sign up for telltales on your own submission (notifying you of new
or updated reviews) and telltales on reviews and submissions by other
members. We'll send out a special announcement when this feature is
available!
BANNER MONTH FOR MEMBER SALES
This month's set of publication announcements is an incredible
testimony to the talent and hard work of our members! And to the
effectiveness of the workshop, too--which means all of you who take
the time to review, support, and otherwise help each other. See the
"Publication Announcements" section below or our Hall of Fame page
(http://delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com/halloffame.shtml) for news of
a new novel sale to Ace, contest winners, and sales to magazines big
and small, online and print. Congratulations to all, especially to
those for whom these sales are firsts, and to Jim Hetley for his novel
sale!
OWW'S INDEPENDENT HORROR WORKSHOP NOW ONLINE
Our horror workshop was launched on June 1 and is gaining members
steadily. If you write or read horror, now's your chance to
participate in a workshop where you can be a big fish in a small pond!
We've got some great submissions and some really dedicated reviewers
at work. Plus editor/Odyssey workshop director Jeanne Cavelos (of the
Abyss horror line) will be contributing a detailed review monthly.
(This workshop is not sponsored, so far, and is supported by
membership fees.) If you know any horror writers who don't know about
our workshops, please tell them about this one! Check it out at
http://horror.onlinewritingworkshop.com
REMINDERS
Adding your picture to the member directory: your picture must be
stored on a different Web server. Make sure that server allows access
from other servers--some don't. Your picture URL must start with
"http://", the URL is case-sensitive (e.g., don't use uppercase if the
file is named in lowercase) and it must be no bigger than 200 x 200
pixels.
Using the "append text" form: you need to submit your first chunk of
text via the regular submission form before you follow the link to the
"append text" form and submit the rest.
| - - EDITORS' CHOICES - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
The Editors' Choices are the submissions from the previous month that
show the most potential or otherwise earn the admiration of our
Editorial Board. Each gets a composite review by the Board, which is
published on the site and in the newsletter. We usually pick one
fantasy chapter or partial chapter, one SF chapter or partial chapter,
and one short story. (The volume of short stories is much less than
that of chapters, so we're not going to pick a fantasy story and an SF
story each month unless that imbalance changes. Mixed SF/F chapters
will be considered under whichever category seems to predominate in
the submission.) We also list two runners-up in each category, with
our comments.
To view Editors' Choices on the workshop, go to the submission list
and click on "Editors' Choices" in the Submission Selector. Six
months of ECs will be archived there, with their editorial reviews.
Our Editorial Board:
http://delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com/editorialboard.shtml
In order to make sure that some of our most professional
members don't take too much attention away from other deserving
writers, we've decided that novels will be ineligible for EC
consideration if they have been chosen as previous ECs in any
six-month period (January-June and July-December). Runner-ups will
not be subject to this rule. So if a chapter of your novel has been
an EC, we won't put future chapters of it into the nomination process
for a while--but if those chapters are of EC/runner-up quality, we
will be acknowledging them briefly just to be fair.
Congratulations to this month's Editors' Choice authors and runners
up!
Editors' Choice, fantasy chapter/partial chapter: WHEN THE WINTER
FALLS, Chapter 1, by A. Anderson Gannon
The classic feel of this excerpt is quite captivating. The use of
language is smooth and accomplished and effectively reinforces the
feeling of a "period" piece. Most of us were drawn in immediately,
even though we would have liked a better sense of the personality of
the narrator. Although some of the more fast-paced passages were a
little unclear with respect to what was actually happening, the author
was in command of her historical setting and quickly brought the
reader into the novel with a very violent opening. The story is
strong. The buildup from distant wolves to an attack that doesn't
follow the rules is dramatic and well done. By contrast, one of us
found the piece flat, that there was too much detail at every turn,
and felt that the extensive use of metaphors using the word "like"
made the beginning of this work unwieldy and difficult to get into.
Some of the reasons for that are addressed below.
The protagonist, for all the horror that he's experiencing, seems
quite calm throughout. One might expect a range of emotions from him,
rather than the almost affectless and detailed cataloguing of events.
It's also unclear what his feeling about wolves is. Before the
attack, he sometimes seems afraid of wolves, sometimes disdainful.
There's clearly some deep fear he has had for years, but that's never
made explicit.
It feels cliched that the only people to survive the events would be
the senior guide and the Baron's beautiful daughter (who comes through
uninjured and looking just as desirable as ever). But that's a plot
point upon which the whole story probably depends, so there may not be
much that can be done about it.
"The first white cloud rose like mist from the far side of the slope
with a low rumble, like far thunder or wind through vast wings. That
is what I thought of as I looked at it, white wings." Beautiful
description of the deadly avalanche. So is the image of the manor
house as a heavy-haunched beast with many eyes.
Overall, an extremely strong, sure-handed piece that would benefit
from using different types of metaphors and giving the point-of-view
character more affect.
Editors' Choice, SF chapter/partial chapter: FRAGMENTS OF ME by Eric
Swedin
Although we found the writing style a bit stiff and awkward and this
scene a little too drawn-out and contemplative for the opening of a
novel, most of us liked the premise and found the chapter original and
fascinating. However, one editor found it fragmented and more akin to
horror than to science fiction. The contemplative style probably would
not sustain a whole novel. Rather than the long passages of backstory
about the protagonist's past, it may be better to cut them up and
disperse them throughout the novel; let the readers gradually discover
more about this intriguing character while he learns more about
himself. Consider putting the novel into the past tense. The present
tense is a little distracting because it's more usually reserved for
synopses and script directions.
The meeting with the evil fragmental at the end of the chapter felt
misplaced at that point in the narrative. It feels as though it should
come a little later, once we're a bit more solidly in the world that
the writer has created. Still, the writer exhibits a solid
descriptive style. What is needed is more attention to the flow of
action.
Mrs. Foster's wedding ring is described in the first paragraph as
having a "diamond and three rubies," but a wedding band is usually
plain, not jeweled. This was confusing: "Ohio does not spend a lot
of money on its state hospitals. In fact, my own time is donated." How
does Barash make a living, then? And it's a little difficult to
believe that the protagonist has eidetic memory, yet cannot remember
far back enough into his own past to figure out his origins.
A comma cannot separate two phrases or sentences, as in: "Her
grandfather died, the will is being disputed." That's a run-on
sentence. A semi-colon or a period is required after the word "died."
"A damn depressing mess." That should be the adjectival form,
"damned," since it's narrative. (In dialog "damn" would be fine since
that's what some people say.)
"I touch her arm, skin to skin, and cast a fragmental of myself into
her." Nice introduction to the oddity about this person. Up until
now we've only had hints. This first manifestation with its
unfamiliar word "fragmental" is an attention-grabber.
This chapter is an intriguing opening that will pull some readers in,
but might irritate those who prefer stricter genre definitions. The
pacing of the story is diluted by backstory and telling rather than
showing.
Editors' Choice, short story: DEEP BREATHING by Elizabeth Donald
While the fantasy/SF element in this story is small (okay, physically
it's quite large: in fact it's a very large and ominous eye that
hovers outside the observation window of the doomed submarine
Alestle), the sense of place and character, the pace of the narrative,
which managed to be both claustrophobically and appropriately slow and
also quite gripping, and the general strength of the writing made this
a favorite for the Editorial Board. As the captain of the ship
explains to a crew member who questions the purpose of deep-sea
exploration, space isn't the only frontier--there's lots of room for
exploration close to home. This isn't the same old story. The
characters feel real: the author does a wonderful job of setting them
up and making them into individuals who behave like real people.
Once the Alestle has gone into its spinning dive into the depth, it
would be nice to get more details about the physical sense of
dislocation and dizziness. And once the crew turn on the lights and
see the eye looking back, it would be nice to have more of their
reaction, their theories and their panic, the sense that something
otherworldly and inescapable is looking back at them. The first line
of the story isn't quite right either: the hula girl seems more of a
red herring than the actual cause of the accident--we wouldn't suggest
that the author lose this detail entirely (the sea burial, hula girl
in Biehl's hand, is a wrenching and visual part of the story), but
perhaps the first line shouldn't be so conclusive, so distractingly
suggestive of plot. The backstory is satisfying, and the fate of Toby
Page is haunting on many levels, especially at the end, where the
captain finds herself in much the same position: irretrievably deep,
alone, and most likely, suffering much the same long, hopeless death.
It would be nice to have more detail about what it's like to be a
female captain of an all-male crew--to have some information about the
land life (husband, children, movie theaters and fresh air) that she
has chosen not to lead, as well as a sense of why she is drawn to salt
water and deep-sea exploration. Make us see how beautiful the
underwater life is. Make her less a role model, more of a woman who
has chosen a difficult, isolated, but rewarding life. And finally,
give us lots more detail about the physical environment of the
Alestle, especially once it goes into its final dive--is the air
stale, are the private quarters cramped, are the walls made of
sweating, dripping metal? Are the lights dim? Work on these details
and then try a magazine like _Terra Incognita_, which specifically
looks for science fiction set on Earth.
Runner Up, fantasy chapter/partial chapter: HEART'S DESIRE, Ch. 6-7,
by Jennifer St. Clair Bush
There's something appealing about this excerpt. It moves quickly and
the dialogue is pretty solid, yet we found the action confusing and
the characters made more of style than of substance.
The bit where Michael runs away from Sarah and Gabriel, up until Sarah
says, "Michael, what are you doing?" is very confusing, because it's
difficult to tell why Michael is saying one thing--that Sarah is to
come with him and Gabriel--but is doing another; namely, running away
from Sarah and Gabriel. Michael is your POV character. As readers,
we should know what Michael's intentions are, and then there won't be
so much confusion. It's also difficult to believe that, weak and
barefoot as he is, he could get away that quickly. It's an effective
transition into Sarah's point of view, though.
"(Gabriel) straightened and Michael noted dimly that the raindrops
wouldn't touch him here, either. He had been able to do that once."
Nicely understated way of demonstrating the depth of Michael's
weakness.
"Sarah dully wondered how the car could be affected and Gabriel could
not." Affected by what? Another confusing segment: "A voice sighed
on the faint breeze. "You've chased away my dinner." The figure
crouched on the rocks raised its head and Michael caught a glint of
its eyes before it turned away. "I couldn't let you have him. I'm
sorry. There would be too many questions."" Who's speaking? Where
are they relative to each other? How many people are in this scene?
Michael steps on something sharp and cuts his foot, but makes a point
of never looking at his injured foot. Seems pretty foolish. Whatever
cut him might still be in the wound, or might have been poisonous. And
he might be leaving a trail of blood for the people hunting him to
find. "If pressed, Michael would have had to say it resembled more an
ugly reptilian bird than a dragon." Huh? "Ugly reptilian bird" is a
pretty good description of a dragon.
Overall, an interesting cast of characters that could use some
fleshing out, and a brisk-moving, if confusing, plot.
Runner Up, fantasy chapter/partial chapter: WILL, Part 1: Clay,
Chapter 8 by Jeff Stanley
A decently written excerpt, though some of us found it difficult to
get into and the action unmemorable--possibly because it's Chapter 8
and starting in the middle. The writing is good; the dialogue flows
well and is not over-described, and there are no info dumps. The
ending, with the matriarch turning out to be a friend of Izsu's, is an
intriguing twist.
The "huud" or "uu" that shows up in almost half the characters' names
will make it difficult to tell them apart, and will probably quickly
become irritating.
"Her Majesty, Yvein Hladiri e' Rajavi"; make sure that when you create
a word with a glottal stop in it (signified by an apostrophe), that
the word is actually pronounceable. That "e'" would sound a little
like "ehh!"; pronounceable, but awkward.
An odd exchange: ""There's something rubbed on the inside of the glass
here," noted one of the men... "Ashes? Soot? Now who'd want to go
and do something like that!" But ashes and soot seem like quite
common things to find on the inside of an oil lamp. "Anhuud nodded,
doing his best to keep his eyes from her face." Why doesn't he want
to look at her? It becomes apparent a little later that Anhuud has a
crush on his mistress, but the revelation feels a little clumsy.
Generally, a well-written excerpt with an interesting plot twist at
its end.
Runner Up, science fiction chapter/partial chapter: THE QUEEN OF
MIRIDA, Chapter 24, by Lisa Clardy
This was well-written, but some of us found it too choppy and
confusing, jumping between too many too-short sections centering on
too many characters. Perhaps this would not be an issue after reading
the first twenty-three chapters, but reading this one out of context
was confusing. Still, the characters and the setting were interesting,
and the adventure absorbing. The storytelling was good and the info
dumps minimal and well-handled. The use of split-screen story telling
was occasionally distracting. Could it be told as two chapters, with
each chapter having a different set of characters?
From the author's notes that precede this piece, it seems she's one of
the few who actually knows how to denote a glottal stop and what it
means. Far too many writers create words with apostrophes in them to
denote glottal stops, but ignore the fact that the glottal stop does
have a sound value. Often, their created words are quite
unpronounceable. "E'lora" technically is not, but it still feels a
bit unwieldy in the mouth. However, brava for not treating the
glottal stop as an inaudible throwaway trope to signify "this is a
science fiction or fantasy story."
"Spinx felt a tiny tickle on the back of his neck and glanced up. The
boy was looking at him with frank curiosity." This one is a pet
peeve--the trope that people can "feel" others looking at them.
This is a well-written, interesting excerpt with a confusing profusion
of characters.
Runner Up, science fiction chapter/partial chapter: MARS' SHADOW,
Prologue, by Toby Holt
Currently there's a glut of alarmist fiction set on Mars. As one
editor says, "The sheer volume of aliens that have at one time
inhabited the red planet must make it the most popular resort locale
in the galaxy. And worse, they always seem to want to kill us poor
humans...or at least leave us comatose with their message of doom.
Just placing this novel on, say, Mercury would have given it more
freshness." Most of us found it difficult to engage with or care much
about the characters--a common problem with prologues. As one editor
said, "For a prologue, it needs to more polished, as this is what will
either draw the reader into or away from the story." Good, spare use
of technological jargon, though: just enough to make the excerpt work,
and not so much as to bog it down. A couple of us found the sequence
of events engagingly creepy and would be prepared to read further
based on that, especially if the prologue were shortened and tightened
and the characters made a little more compelling.
The following two sentences felt a little redundant: "A body.
Instantly he knew it belonged to the lone female crewmember along for
this mission." Of course it's her. She's the only person of the crew
missing, and the only one in that sector. And other than the crew,
there's no one else on the planet. The captain's head "rotates" a
lot, as though he's not capable of turning it himself. "A narrow
trickle of pulpy blood extended down from both ears, matting together
into her dark brown hair." What position is she in that allows the
two trickles of blood to meet and the captain to be able to see them
through her visor?
It doesn't seem possible to repeat this grammar rule too often: "It's"
is short for "it is" and nothing else. If one doesn't mean "it is",
then there's no apostrophe. It's easy!
Good use of rising tension and mystery in a scene that suffers from a
cliched setting and setup and unengaging characters.
Runner Up, short story: "Eye of Ra" by Karen Kobylarz
We were extremely impressed by this author's deft use of historical
details and language to show two cultures and philosophies--Hellenic
Greek and Aegyptian--rubbing against each other, both in a physical
location, Thebes, and in the person of the narrator,
Miw-sheri/Sosipatra. The use of Aegyptian words works very naturally
in this story: just as Miw-sheri herself, returning to her home after
an extended absence, must reaccustom herself to the sounds and
meanings of Aegyptian, so readers too, find themselves in an foreign
landscape which gradually begins to seem more familiar. Miw-sheri,
daughter of a Greek mother and a powerful Aegyptian magician-father,
both dead now, has been sent away by her Hellene stepfather to
Alexandria, to be transformed from a superstitious Aegpytian
"half-breed" into a fine Hellene lady. Coming home, her dress, her
hairstyle, and her education mark her as one thing, but her memories,
the color of her skin and hair, and her necklace-amulet which
represents the goddess Sekhmet (who is also two things: a woman and a
cat) and which was given to her by her Aegyptian father, are reminders
that her heritage is far richer and stranger than anything dreamt of
in her stepfather's philosophy. Her stepfather Laius, not content with
making Miw-sheri over, has also been redecorating their house: muting
the colored walls and roof; putting up volumes of Plato and other
Greek philosophers in place of Aegyptian household gods; tearing up
the native gardens and replanting with imported vines and trees;
replacing a mural of Miw-sheri's family, painted in the Aegyptian
fashion, with a painting of Alexander the Great. Now only the face of
Khaemwaset, Miw-sheri's father remains to be painted over, looking out
like a red-brown sun from the repainted wall.
While the ending of this story doesn't surprise, the pleasure comes
from the richness of the details and the hints of complex personal
relationships between complex characters--Laius isn't a necessarily a
bad stepfather, but like many parents, he wants to make certain
choices for his child. It's nice to read a story in which there are no
absolute villains: it would be even nicer to see more of Laius and
Miw-sheri's relationship--the good parts as well as the plot-driven
points. For example, we are told that when her mother retreated from
them, grieving for her dead first husband, Laius reads Homer to
Miw-sheri. This is a great detail because we can see him reaching out
to Miw-sheri at a time in which she needs a parent, and also see how
he wishes to influence her away from her father's culture. Don't
flatten out Laius' character in the present-day story: don't make him
too much of a villain. And give us more about Miw-sheri's mother--let
us see that she and Laius are both still grieving.
Miw-sheri's father, Khaemwaset, is also something of a cipher--the
parallels that the story makes between Khaemwaset and Amun-Ra, between
Miw-sheri and Amun-Ra's daughter Sekhmet, are good, but show us what
kind of man Khaemwaset was, what kind of father. We see him give
Miw-sheri an amulet, but that's also a plot-important detail. Give us
a sense of character that goes deeper than plot-required insight.
It also seems that Miw-sheri should have been gone longer than four
months--maybe a year? And just as you show us the layering of
Aegyptian and Hellene cultures in Miw-sheri and the house, show us how
the city has begun to change, how the two cultures are beginning to
blend into a richer, stranger culture where magic and gods and Hellene
philosophers mingle together. The ending might be stronger if we had
the sense that amulets and gods have also changed in some way, and if
we knew whether Miw-sheri will grieve for the loss of another father.
Runner Up, short story: THE DRINKERS by Mike Dumas
From the very first sentence--"He was a poet, a hero, a madman, and I
left him howling beneath a gunmetal sky on Alnilam IX"--we were pulled
into this story by the assured and colorful narrative voice. This is a
story about both an alien culture and the anthropologist/observer
(although as the narrator observes, "there aren't many anthropoids
among the stars") who has, like many a Somerset Maugham character,
gone native in full-blown intrepid British explorer mode. The details
and descriptions of the alien world are actually much more interesting
than the character study: we've met lots of Leos in fiction before,
and the author might want to add a few dimensions, and cut lines of
dialogue like "We need you. Sorry, old man." But the descriptions of
the alien The Great Wind, like "with an exhalation like a breath
across the lip of a jug, it raised its frill, held it wide, a
trembling blood-red umbrella..." are vivid, weird, and beautiful. More
of this level of detail, please, especially of the team of Inuul who
are working with Leo and the narrator. It would also be a good idea to
give us more description of the actual dig--the work that the two men
and aliens are engaged in. There's enough room in this story to slow
down a bit.
The broken-up structure of the story is an interesting idea, but at
the moment, there doesn't really seem to be any need or logic behind
the section titles. Perhaps a better idea would be to use
just-translated hieroglyphs as section titles, giving us a bit of
history as well as a bit of present-day story. Section titles are
intrusive: they suggest that the narrative will be slightly more
playful, more self-aware.
Be aware, too, that a story like this sets up parallels with
historical patterns of exploration and colonization: when Leo and the
narrator refer to the Inuul as "the Boys," we are reminded of
uncomfortable historical stereotypes and relationships. When the
narrator discovers that the Inuul have literally been consuming their
own best and brightest, it would be nice to see the narrator make some
sort of discovery about himself or his own culture. Otherwise, this is
a rather uncomplicated adventure yarn in which a culture with superior
technology makes a rather unpleasant discovery about a degenerated and
addicted second culture, culminating in a literal blood sacrifice.
Make "The Drinkers" a more complicated story than this: anyone who can
provide such intriguing aliens can surely come up with a more
intriguing plot.
| - - REVIEWER HONOR ROLL - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
This month's reviewer MVP is Joshua Palmatier, for his many
nominations to the Reviewer Honor Roll by thankful authors. We're
sending him a copy of workshop member James Stevens-Arce's novel
SOULSAVER, inscribed by the author. Congratulations, Joshua!
We list in the Reviewer Honor Roll area of the workshop the people who
have given useful, insightful reviews that have been appreciated by
the authors. After all, that's what makes the workshop go, and we
want to give great reviewers a little well-earned recognition from the
workshop community. In the newsletter we list reviewer names and
submissions reviewed; on the site we also include comments from the
submission's author. Most months we also award a prize to one or
more special reviewers. If you've received a review you really
appreciated and would like to the reviewer to appear in the Reviewer
Honor Roll, just use our online honor-roll nomination form at
http://delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml or e-mail
support@delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com the following information:
Name of the reviewer
Title of the submission reviewed and author (your name)
Any comments you have on why the review was so helpful
This month's honor roll:
Jennifer de Guzman, reviewing "Death Scene 1, The Sacrifice" by Larry
West
Roger E. Eichorn, reviewing SWORDTHAIN Part 1: Chapter 1 by Jeff
England
Daniel Goss, reviewing "Winged Victory" by Sarah Prineas
Penelope Hardy, reviewing THE WIZARDSTAFF (all chapters) by Bubanga
The Chickenpounder
Dustin Ray Herron, reviewing THE SANDS OF MIME by Wendy Delmater
John Hoddy, reviewing DEVOURING TIME, Chapter 1, by A L Hicks
Scott Humphries, reviewing "Under the Skin" by Steven Bratman
Melinda Kimberly, reviewing OF GOOD AND EVIL by Lewis Hulatt
Joshua Palmatier, reviewing SHIP, COLONY, PLANET, HOME (all chapters)
by Sean O'Brien
Edita Petrick, reviewing CHAMPION OF LIGHT, Chapter 1, by Rick Rogers
Edita Petrick, reviewing "The Truth about Guinevere" by K Waygood
Kevin Purcell, reviewing CLI0, Prologue, by Narwen Dagorfea
Donnamarie Thiel-Kline, reviewing DEVOURING TIME, Chapter 1, by A L
Hicks
Larry West, reviewing BROTHERS OF FIRE (all submissions) by Donovan
Roley
Cecil Woods, reviewing "White Tigress" and "Speak the Trees" by T. L.
Trent
More details and specific praise can be found at:
http://delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml
| - - PUBLICATION ANNOUNCEMENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
Congratulations to our members who have recently made sales or
garnered other honors of various sorts! ("DROWW" is the original Del
Rey workshop, 3/99-9/00.) The latest news is listed below. Our
complete online Hall of Fame is at
http://delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com/halloffame.shtml
Original Del Rey workshop member Barth Anderson has sold his story
"Show Me Where the Mudmen Go" (an EC in the DROWW, 9/99) to _On Spec_
(http://www.icomm.ca/onspec). He says, "I think it's pretty safe to
say that I wouldn't have sold it without the great feedback I received
from the editors and writers at this workshop. Remind your writers
that acceptance only comes to those who keep their stories in the mail
(look how long I waited for this sale, after all)."
Swanand Arole's story "No News is Good News" will appear in the August
issue of Aphelion Webzine (www.aphelion-webzine.com). Swanand says,
"I feel that it is largely due to this workshop that one of my stories,
which I workshopped, has been selected for publication."
Nigel Atkinson's short story "An Exhalation of Butterflies" has sold
to _The Night Land_ e-zine. The story is on-line at
http://home.clara.net/andywrobertson/nightexhalation.html
Nigel says that "the contribution of several workshop members was
vital in polishing the story."
Prior to publication via Xlibris, two fantasy pieces from Alan C. Baird's
9TIMEZONES.COM--AN EMAIL SCREENPLAY COLLABORATION BETWEEN HUNGARY AND
L.A. appeared on the DROWW workshop, and he's now married to his
cyberspace coauthor! More info on the book: http://www.9TimeZones.com
Chris Clarke's flash fiction "Love Lines Circle" has been bought by
_Vestal Review_ (http://www.vestalreview.net).
Charles Coleman Finlay's short story "Footnotes" appears in the August
issue of _The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction_
(http://www.sfsite.com/fsf/). He says that the reviews he received
on the workshop helped him make it a much clearer, better story.
Cathy Freeze has won second place in _Ideomancer_'s Flash contest for
her story "Satan's Work":
http://www.ideomancer.com/flash/Satans_Work_by_Cathy_Freeze.html
Jim Hetley has sold novel THE SUMMER COUNTRY to Ace. Parts were
workshopped on the DROWW; original members may remember it.
Big congratulations, Jim, on a giant step forward in the combined
slog-and-crapshoot that is Getting Published.
Pam McNew's story "Me and That Alien Guy" is online at _Quantum Muse_
e-zine this month (http://www.quantummuse.com/alienguy.html). She
says, "Back when the workshop had their very first writing challenge,
Zyzygy, write a scene about a first contact, I had workshoppers review
my little piece. It was expanded due to the positive response and
then improved through the additional reviews I received. My thanks go
to these workshoppers who reviewed it: Shelby Young, Dave Kuzminski,
Larry West, Charlie Finlay, Fran Sutton-Williams, Teddi Deppner, Amber
van Dyk, Laurie Davis, James Allison, Heidi Kneale and Chris Evans."
Pam's flash fiction "Tiffany's Boxes" also appears at _AnotherRealm_
(http://www.anotherealm.com/flash/ff1q01.html).
Ruth Nestvold's story "Latency Time" appears in the July _Asimov's_!
Sarah Prineas has won third place in _Ideomancer_'s Flash contest for
her story "Periplaneta americana":
http://www.ideomancer.com/flash/Periplaneta_americana_by_Sarah_Prineas.html
| - - WORKSHOP STATISTICS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
Number of members as of 6/20: 4424
Number of submissions currently online: 1775
Percent of submissions with 3 or more reviews: 68%
Percent of submissions with zero reviews: 1.24%
Number of submissions in May: 952
Number of reviews in May: 4172
Ratio of reviews/submissions in May: 4.38
Estimated average word count per review in May: 368
Number of submissions in June to date: 670
Number of reviews in June to date: 2613
Ratio of reviews/submissions in June to date: 3.9
Estimated average word count per review in June to date: 360
| - - FEEDBACK - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
POLL: What info would you want to get in a weekly workshop report?
As part of our new telltales system (e-alerts from the workshop),
we're eventually going to give members the option of receiving a
weekly report. We'll include in this report the member's current
submissions with their cumulative ratings and number of reviews; a
list of reviews contributed by the member during the week; and other
information that might be of use to members. What else would you like
to see? E-mail us at support@delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com and let
us know.
TIP: SELF-PROMOTION VIA ALLREADERS.COM SITE
If you're self-published and want to promote your book, go to the
AllReaders.com site at http://www.allreaders.com/promote.asp to enter
it into the AllReaders book index. Readers in search of a book that's
to their liking can hunt through the index by topic, theme, setting,
etc. to find something they would enjoy. The founder of
AllReaders.com also offers a free critique of your writing if you send
in a 15-page sample. The site has been mentioned in Wired, USA Today,
and the New York Times.
TIP: NEVER-ENDING SENTENCES
As a reviewer, one of the most common technical problems I've
encountered is the never-ending sentence. This is a too-long sentence
that encompasses a number of different subjects. It often contains a
multitude of "and"s, "but"s, "which"s, "that"s, "if"s, and other such
conjunctions.
Charles Dickens was famous for his truly immense run-on sentences. The
first sentence of DOMBEY AND SON reads: "Dombey sat in the corner of
the darkened room in the great armchair by the bedside, and Son lay
tucked up warm in a little basket bedstead, carefully disposed on a
low settee immediately in front of the fire and close to it, as if his
constitution were analogous to that of a muffin, and it was essential
to toast him brown while he was very new."
I think I hear a chorus of "But if it's good enough for Dickens,
surely it's good enough for me." Well, unfortunately, times change,
and so does accepted English usage. When DOMBEY AND SON was written
155 years ago, never-ending sentences were not considered such a bad
thing. These days, most readers find them annoying and distracting.
And to editors they are anathema.
So, how can a sentence such as this be fixed? Contrary to popular
opinion, colons and semi-colons are not the way to go. The only way to
fix a never-ending sentence is with the ruthless application of the
full-stop, or period. The above example might then read: "Dombey sat
in the corner of the darkened room, in the great armchair by the
bedside. Son lay tucked up warm in a little basket bedstead, carefully
disposed on a low settee immediately in front of the fire. It was as
if his constitution were analogous to that of a muffin, and it was
essential to toast him brown while he was very new.'
(Thanks to member Nigel Read for this writing tip.)
TIPS APPRECIATED
Got a helpful tip for your fellow members? A trick or hint for
submitting or reviewing, for what to put in your author's comments,
for getting good reviews, or for formatting or titling your
submission? Or a writing tip? Share it with us and if we agree it's
useful we'll publish it in the next newsletter. Just send it to
support@delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com and we'll do the rest.
See you next month!
The Del Rey Digital Writing Workshop for Science Fiction and Fantasy
delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com
support@delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com
| - - Copyright 2001 Online Writing Workshops, LLC - - - - - - - - -|
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