THE WORKSHOP NEWSLETTER

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O | The Online Writing Workshop for SF, F & H Newsletter, June 2003
W | http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com
W | Become a better writer!

| - - CONTENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

- Workshop News:
        OWW novel contest winners published by Del Rey
        Horror writing list and fake telltale
        New membership prices
        "Submit or die" challenge
        July writing challenge
        Convention workshop news
        Membership payment information
- Editors' Choices for May submissions
- Reviewer Honor Roll
- Publication Announcements
- Workshop Statistics
- Feedback


| - - WORKSHOP NEWS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

Another month, another first sale, more novel sales!

Gene Spears sold his very first short story this month to the new
print magazine _Paradox_. And the amazing streak of first novel sales
continues: Tim Brommer's first novel, THE HERETIC OF THE NORTH, is
being published by new small press, Runestone Hill, while Tamara Siler
Jones just sold GHOSTS IN THE SNOW as part of a three-book deal with
major publisher Bantam Dell. Two workshoppers also have stories in the
gloriously-illustrated August issue of _Realms of Fantasy_. A no-prize
to the first person to e-mail us with the names of both writers and the
artists who illustrated their stories. And three workshoppers see
their first novels published as Del Rey e-books.

Congratulations to all! For more details and all the new member
accomplishments, see the news and sales and publications sections below.


OWW NOVEL CONTEST WINNERS PUBLISHED BY DEL REY

Shelly Shapiro, the Editorial Director at Del Rey Books, sent out this
anouncement:

"Del Rey Books has always been committed to seeking out and cultivating
fresh voices in science fiction and fantasy. Terry Brooks, Stephen R.
Donaldson, and David Eddings all came to us from the 'slush pile.' Years
later we published the Del Rey Discovery line, dedicated to launching
first-time authors. It was with great regret that the press of work
eventually forced us to stop accepting unsolicited manuscripts, but our
commitment to new authors never flagged. So a few years ago we joined forces
with the Online Writing Workshop to hold a contest. The prize? A publishing
contract! And because this was new territory and a great experiment-holding
the contest online, reading entries electronically, allowing readers to vote
for the winners-we chose to keep the entire project in cyberspace.

"Now we are thrilled to debut our three winners -- TAINTED GARDEN, STONE
MAIDEN, and THAGOTH -- online as eBooks. So far, we feel the experiment was
a success...but it's not quite over. The final outcome is in the hands of
you, our readers. So support these fledgling authors by buying their books.
Tell your friends about them. Help these new readers find the audience they
deserve. And help Del Rey keep proving to this sequel-ridden world that
there's always room for something new!"

Here's what the authors have to say about their own novels, all workshopped
here at OWW:

TAINTED GARDEN by Jeff Stanley:

"Tainted Garden evolved from a fairly simple musing: what if an alien world,
itself, was alive? Not only living, but possessing biological functions -
digestion and waste expulsion, sentience and communication, the ability to
adapt and the capacity to interact with the universe around it. How would it
react to an incursion from outside its unique paradigm? And how would those
from outside this paradigm react to it? This is not a classic first contact
novel, nor is it a simple recitation of another world's mysteries. A world,
like its inhabitants, deserves to keep some of its secrets from all but the
most persistent miners. Those secrets lie there, like dirt-encrusted
gemstones, waiting to be excavated, cut, and polished for display."

Buy the e-book for $2.99 or read an excerpt now:
http://www.randomhouse.com/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=0345459105&view=excer
pt

STONE MAIDEN by Anne Aquirre:

"Stone Maiden has been my greatest love and nemesis for a long time. I
conceived the idea years ago, but I always feared my writing wasn't up to
the task of bringing the tale to life. So I set it aside until I could do
such an epic story justice. It's a deconstructionist look at fantasy, devoid
of the usual archetypes present in most Tolkienesque fantasy.
Characterization has always been my strength. Come with me now, and feel
what they feel. Enjoy."

Buy the e-book for $2.99 or read an excerpt now:
http://www.randomhouse.com/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=0345457676&view=excer
pt

THAGOTH by Michael McClung:

"I've been writing stories, poems, and letters since I was able to write,
but fantasy is what has always drawn me, because as G.K. Chesterton once
wrote, it is 'a world at once of wonder and of war'. Terrible things happen
in fantasy. The stakes are vast. Individuals are pushed to the limits of
their ability to cope, and sometimes beyond-but it is always in the service
of the greater good. The greater the good, though, the greater the evil must
be that opposes it. The fantasy milieu demands such balance. It makes a
fundamental sort of sense to me. I feel most at home in that world of
wonder, of war. But heroism consists of conquering internal demons just as
much as external ones. Any story not about the human heart is a dull,
lifeless thing, however scintillating the prose."

Buy the e-book for $2.99 on July 1 or read an excerpt now:
(http://www.randomhouse.com/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=0345459113&view=excer
pt)

Congratulations to these three members.  Check out the e-books!


HORROR WRITING LIST AND FAKE TELLTALES

We'd like to remind members that there's a separate mailing list for
discussion of horror writing and horror markets. After some moderation
problems, it's back up to speed and getting active again.  The
workshop's horror writers can find people who share their interests
at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/oww-horror-writing/

Last month, a fake telltale went out to some workshop members who
wrote us to complain about it.  The email was a variation on a virus
that steals addresses off a third party's computer and pretends to
come from some other email address. In this case, the giveaways were
that the telltale came from "telltales@aol.com", which is not a real
workshop email address. Also it had an attachment, which contained the
virus. Real telltales have no attachments.  We're sorry that some
members were alarmed by this. One of your friends (or at least someone
you know on the workshop) had their computer get infected. We'd like
to remind everyone to update their virus protection software and
practice safe computing.


"SUBMIT OR DIE" CHALLENGE

To encourage each other to submit work for publication, mailing list
members periodically issue a "Submit or Die" challenge with prizes for
the most rejections, the first pro sale, and so on.  Well, they're up
to it again, and everyone on the workshop is welcome to participate.
Rules and prizes are posted at:
http://www.thermeon.net/checkered/SOD.html


JULY WRITING CHALLENGE

Challenge coordinator Celia Marsh informs us that this month's
challenge is a Turkey City Rebuttal
(http://www.sfwa.org/writing/turkeycity.html).

"As Ruth Nestvold suggested, we're pushing the limits this time by
taking one of the points in this famous piece of sf ideology and
twisting it in such a way that it will actually work as a story."

For more complete information on the monthly writing challenges,
visit: http://www.thermeon.net/checkered/Challenge.html


CONVENTION WORKSHOP OPPORTUNITY

OWW administrator and focus-group leader Charles Coleman Finlay will
be instructing the Writers' Workshop at Context XVI in Columbus, Ohio,
on October 3-5, 2003. The workshop costs $60 but that includes a full
membership to the convention. Spaces will be limited. Registration
forms and full details should be available soon at:
http://www.contextcon.com/contexthome.htm


MEMBERSHIP PAYMENT INFORMATION

How to pay: In the U.S., you can pay by PayPal or send us a check or
money order. Outside of the U.S., you can pay via PayPal (though
international memberships incur a small set-up fee); pay via Kagi
(www.kagi.com--easier for non-U.S. people); send us a check in U.S.
dollars drawn on a U.S. bank (many banks can do this for you for a
fee); or send us an international money order (available at some banks
and some post offices).  If none of those options work for you, you
can send us U.S. dollars through the mail if you choose, or contact us
about barter if you have interesting goods to barter (not services).

Scholarship fund and gift memberships: you can give a gift membership
for another member; just send us a payment by whatever method you
like, noting who the membership is for and specifying whether the gift
is anonymous or not.  We will acknowledge receipt to you and the
member.  Or you can donate to our scholarship fund, which we use to
fully or partially cover the costs of an initial paying membership for
certain active, review-contributing members whose situations do not
allow them to pay the full membership fee themselves.

Bonus payments: The workshop costs only 94 cents per week, but we know
that many members feel that it's worth much more to them.  So here's
your chance to award us with a bonus on top of your membership fee.
For example, is the workshop worth five dollars a month to you? Award
us a $11 bonus along with your $49 membership fee. 25% of any bonus
payments we receive will go to our support staff, sort of like a tip
for good personal service. The rest will be tucked away to lengthen
the shoestring that is our budget and keep us running!

For more information:
Payments: http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/memberships.shtml
Bonus payments and information about our company:
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/bonuspayments.shtml
Price comparisons:
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/memberships_comparison.shtml


| - - EDITORS' CHOICES - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

The Editors' Choices are chosen from the submissions from the previous
month that show the most potential or otherwise earn the admiration of
our Resident Editors.  Submissions in four categories -- SF, F, horror,
and short stories -- receive a detailed review, meant to be educational
for others as well as the author.

Reviews are written by our Resident Editors, award-winning authors and
instructors Kelly Link and Jeanne Cavelos and science-fiction and
fantasy editor Jenni Smith-Gaynor, or occasionally other writing pros.
 Close contenders for the EC may be listed here as runners-up but
usually won't get a review.

The last four months of Editors' Choices and their editorial reviews
are archived on the workshop.  Go to the "Read, Rate, Review" page and
click on "Editors' Choices" in the Submission Selector.

Congratulations to this month's Editors' Choice authors!

Editor's Choice, Fantasy Chapter/Partial Chapter:

GODS AND ENDS, CHAPTER 4 by Gene Spears

The writing here has some beautiful descriptive phrases. The sense of
fun was nicely woven into the dramatic parts--the impending storm was
a good mirror to the building tension. Overall, the chapter's pace
held up and the ending was a solid conclusion that still left me
wanting to know what happened next. There are some things that could
make this entire chapter more compelling and add to the chapter's
length.

This chapter assumes the set-up has happened in the previous
chapters--something supernatural is trying to control or communicate
with the main character, Alex. His reactions to these events, such as
the appearance of the kestrel outside the Stop N' Go, are a bit too
subtle. I'm not sure whether Alex is simply shocked at seeing this
bird outside its native area or if this bird has appeared before (and
therefore making a stronger impression this second time).

Alex also keeps referring to insanity, but I'm not seeing why he would
make that assumption. I'd like to see why he would think he was going
crazy--is he overworked, sleep deprived, stressed? These sorts of
things might be how he rationalizes seeing the unthinkable (like an
African bird in Houston) or the serendipitous (the Stop N' Go clerk
asking him about the lottery ticket). To make this feel more balanced,
link his reactions here to the actions of the previous chapters.

Alex's relationship with Saundra needs to be fleshed out. I'm not sure
what you meant by "Saundra's grounded me." Is Alex saying that
literally--is Saundra treating him like a child and forbidding him from
leaving the house--or is Alex using it figuratively--Saundra makes him
feel so miserable, he has no desire to leave the house? Clarifying
this relationship will give us a better understanding of the
characters. It would also strengthen the use of the diamond
advertisement. Instead of an ad based on the DeBeers commercials, why
not subtly describe the real thing?

Carl and Alex's relationship also needs to be explained--it's not clear
why Alex would call Carl instead of Saundra. Right now, it feels
forced and out of place.

Overall, this is a chapter with promise: fantastic descriptive
phrases, nice blend of humor and drama, good pace. Flesh out the
characters and the chapter will feel whole and more compelling.

--Jenni Smith-Gaynor
Former editor, Del Rey Books


Editor's Choice, SF Chapter/Partial Chapter:

SENSIBILITY, Ch. 2 by Nora Fleischer

This very short chapter introduces new characters and a plot
complication, ending on a strong note of conflict.  Kate and Martin do
a good job of talking at cross-purposes to each other, just as real
people do. There are a couple of fine light comic moments as well, as
when Martin wonders if he should have tied up the man he kidnapped.
The writing is clean and easy to follow, which is a pleasure. But in
all, this feels more like the seed of a chapter. Too many things are
still missing here.

For example, nothing in the details of Kate and Martin's world make us
think or believe that this is the future, much less a far planet.
Consider the telling details of the setting in the first two scenes:
corset, wig, elevator, security camera, tea, powder, tractors,
paycheck, doorbell, parlor. In the third scene, we get a spark from a
keypad lock, but the other details are dirty socks, girly magazines,
and a bowling pin. In order to convince us that this is a future
world, there should be a mixture of the familiar with the unfamiliar,
a jarring juxtaposition of items we recognize with items that are new
to us. All of these details are weighted too heavily to the familiar.
The judicious introduction of even a few imaginative technology
advances would make this a significantly better story.

If the advances are just stage props, they probably won't go far
enough either. In the dialogue, we have synths and brain receivers and
projection blocks. How does the technology that makes these things
possible filter down to the everyday life of the characters here? Or
are they living an Amish-style anti-advancement existence to protest
it? There should be some kind of better integration between the major
plot device and the daily life of the characters.  If we have this one
kind of advance, then what other implications does that have?

In other cases, the story seems to ignore technology that already
exists. Martin fails to tie up his kidnap victim, who appears to be a
fairly bright fellow despite his inability to open the locked door.
Why doesn't the victim pick up a phone? Pull the cell phone from his
pocket? Try to use Martin's computer (or similar device) to call his
way out? Why doesn't he knock loudly on the door to attract the
attention of someone in the hall?  There's a sense that not much
effort has been made to think creatively here. I feel the same way
about the frycook line -- why does a scientist become a frycook
instead of a lab tech somewhere? What's the economic structure of this
world that something like that could happen? I'm not saying I can't
believe these things; there's just nothing in the story that tries to
convince me.

Also missing is a sense of structure to the chapter. It starts with
Kate feeling exhausted, leaving the Earl of Beull behind, and ends
with the kidnap victim waiting to brain Martin with a bowling pin.
What kind of arc or narrative movement does this indicate?  While it's
possible to do a simple linear sequence of events sometimes, too many
chapters of it can create a feeling of "one darn thing after another."
Instead, something a character wants or believes in should be put at
risk. This sort of structure doesn't have to feel obvious, but it
should be there. It may already be buried somewhere in the details.
For example, if the key thing emotionally in the opening scene of this
chapter is Kate not wanting to see Martin get hurt again, even if it's
romantically, then the physical threat of Martin getting hurt at the
end of the chapter carries more weight.

I would like to see more creative and thoughtful world-building, even
in the selection of a few details. That, along with the already strong
writing, would go a long way toward helping me overlook some other
anachronisms (like the titled nobility) with just minor hand-waving.
Once you get me to suspend my disbelief, I'll be ready to enjoy your
story.

--Charles Coleman Finlay, Workshop Administrator
and author of Nebula and Hugo Finalist "The Political Officer"
http://home.earthlink.net/~ccfinlay/


Short Story Runner Up: "Acolyte" by Elizabeth Porco

Editor's Choice, Short Story: "Twins" by Hilary Handelsman

This is a beautifully written, somewhat unsettling story. The voice
catches me right away. There is no fantastic element, strictly
speaking, but it does fit several conventions of the gothic tale:
conjoined twins, an orphanage, an overdose of drugs. Beginning with
the names of the twins, Nelle and Ellen, the author's attention to
physical details is rewarding, as this is very much a story about the
body. I'm reminded of the work of the writer Shelley Jackson, author
of the collection THE MELANCHOLY OF ANATOMY, who has, in fact, also
written a wonderful, surreal novel about conjoined twins.) The
birthmarks on one twin are reversed on the other. When one twin uses
the toilet, the other must crouch. Throughout the story, small
rebellions like hairstyles and fasting convey character.

The author asks if the reader is engaged by the characters, however,
and I have to say that the answer is both yes and no. The writing is
certainly engaging. The level of physical detail is engaging. But
there could perhaps be more attention paid to Nelle and Ellen's future
life, both what they hope for, and what their doctors and caretakers
expect for them. At the moment, this is very much a story about
children living with other children, and this isn't a bad thing. Nelle
and Ellen's lives are defined by how the other children see them and
what the other children want from them.

But it might be a stronger, more involving story if there was a second
story line which involved their guardians, teachers, and even passersby
on the street, who might encounter the twins. You don't need too much
more, only enough to let the reader see that Nelle and Ellen are
visible in two worlds, and how that might affect them as they grow
older. Make them that much lonelier, that much more of a commodity. If
there is a teacher who draws them out, and who is then somehow taken
away from them, then you can make us that much more sympathetic. I'd
also consider making one of the twins a reader, who perhaps reads the
Oz books, or Dickens, or even series books about ordinary girls who
live ordinary lives. You can reflect a great deal more strangeness
back on this story if you show us the kinds of worlds that all kinds
of readers escape into.

Like Hilary Handelsman's earlier story, "The Thesaurus Shop," this is
an extremely polished, expertly told piece of fiction. I'm not quite
sure where you should send "Twins", but the main thing is to keep on
writing and trust your own judgement about how this story should work.
My only line edit is that "But the fates had other plans" may strike
the wrong tone, because this is not a story in which anyone's fate is
clear or even particularly dramatic. The following sentence of that
first paragraph feels a bit rushed and crammed. Again, it's always a
good idea to read your story aloud to find the places where language
is strained, slightly awkward, or is good but could be improved upon.

--Kelly Link
Short story collection STRANGER THINGS HAPPEN available from Small
Beer Press
http://www.kellylink.net/


Editor's Choice, Horror:

THE RETURN OF NIGHT, Ch. 1 by Penelope Donnachaidh

You draw me in very quickly, and I remain involved throughout the
first chapter.  The action moves right along, and I like Cam, so
I want to stick with him.  Your dialogue is generally good and
believable.  I'm interested in the universe you've created,
though I don't yet fully understand it.  It sounds like the world
has deteriorated and fractured in some intriguing ways, and the
world doesn't sound like worlds I've read about before.  So the
story has a lot going for it.

The element that threw me out of the story most often was the
writing style.  You have some awkward sentences. Also, at
times I feel you're trying too hard to be flashy, and all you're
doing is putting your face in mine and saying, "Look at me!  Look
at me!" when I'd rather just be watching the characters and being
in the story.  I believe strongly that the words should serve the
story and help the reader experience the story more intensely,
not draw attention to themselves apart from the story.

One of those "Look at me!" moments comes in the first scene, when
you keep interrupting one sentence of dialogue to insert
commentary.  First, you are doing this incorrectly, since the
interruptions should be set off with dashes in the same sentence
as the dialogue:

"There's a body" -- Cam's least-favorite way for a sentence to
begin; nothing good ever followed -- "out your way, off Neville
Road . . ."

Second, the interruptions are way too long.  I can't believe Cam
has time to think all this between one word of dialogue and the
next.  And third, the interruptions are too many, drawing
attention to themselves and away from the horror that should be
our focus:  a girl has been murdered. I never really feel anything
for this girl, and this is one reason why.

Another example is your statement that the eyes look like they
might have been removed with "dinner forks."  I have no clue how
he might have come to that conclusion.  Scientifically, it makes
no sense to me.  Eyes don't just lift out.  The only thing I can
picture is two eyeballs with fork punctures in them sitting to
one side of the body.  That silly image destroys the feeling of
horror I should be having. Another example is on p. 9, where Molly
thinks that the box left by Jack "knocked down the pins she'd reset
by checking her security."  Your metaphor doesn't really help
describe her mood; it only confuses me and draws attention to
itself.  The whole image seems to come out of nowhere.

The awkward sentences I find are mainly those that try to do too
much.  A sentence should be an idea.  It may be complex or simple,
but it should be only one idea.  Here's an example on p. 2:

"As always, gone in the night, no warning, vanished as though he'd
never been there, having reappeared weeks or months after the
last time as if he'd never left."

You have two ideas here:  (1) he leaves without warning, (2) he
reappears every few weeks or months.  They really need two
sentences.  If you want to connect them to show the full pattern,
then they should go in chronological order.  He needs to reappear
first; then he can leave.

In addition to style, there were a few other points that didn't
seem as strong as they could be.

--The scenes from Molly's point of view are much weaker than the
scenes from Cam's POV.  The second scene of the chapter is the
weakest.  The references to Molly's dream are confusing, so that
doesn't involve me.  I feel you're withholding information from
me for no good reason, which is frustrating.  I don't see any
reason for her to like Jack, so I don't understand her.  Nothing
much happens -- a character wakes up and thinks about her life.
That's a very weak type of scene to write, a very familiar
element in the works of developing writers.  I think you can come
up with a stronger scene to introduce her.  The second scene from
her POV is also weak.  You make more references to things I don't
understand, and I get more frustrated.  (A side note:  when you
reveal the garlic/vampire connection at the end of the scene, my
reaction is disappointment.  The story seemed fresh and exciting,
and vampires, these days, are rarely either.  Based only on Ch.
1, I'm not seeing anything different about vampires.  It would be
nice if you could wait and introduce vampires only when you can
also show me how yours are going to be totally different.)
Without knowing the whole novel, I can't really say, but judging
only on this piece, I'm not sure why you're switching between
Molly's POV and Cam's.  We could get the whole thing from Cam's
POV and just learn about Molly through him.  Just considering
this first chapter, that would work a lot better.

--I'm not quite believing the cop details.  It seems like they
ought to be a lot more careful around the crime scene than they
are being -- should be wearing shoe coverings, gloves, etc.  If
procedures are more primitive in this future, I somehow need a
clue about that.

--You have an infodump on p. 8, in the paragraph beginning, "Five
now, if this was one . . ."  An infodump is a large chunk of
exposition.  This pretty much stops the story dead while you give
us a history lesson.  The weakest aspect of this infodump is that
it feels as if it's told to me by an omniscient narrator's voice,
not by Cam. This is not how he would think about these things
(mainly because he already knows these things and has no need to
tell them to himself).  One challenge for every author is
figuring out how to insert necessary exposition in a graceful and
interesting way.

--Normally I wouldn't even mention this, but because this chapter
is fairly strong, what stands out all the more is that it's not
blowing me away.  It's good; it's interesting, but it's not
great, in my opinion.  One area where I think you could make real
improvement is with the description of the dead girl.  I like the
paragraph that starts "Cam straightened and stepped slowly . . ."
That shows me Cam's state of mind really well.  But I'm not
seeing the girl well.  I'm not asking for a more graphic
description; I'm asking for one or two telling details that
really make us understand that this was once a real, distinct,
singular living girl and now she's dead.  I'm not getting that.
She feels like a generic girl.  I'm also not feeling the
connection between her and Cam's headache in an emotional,
visceral way.  What are the details that sink into his brain that
are the precursors of nightmares?

Your description of Cam from Molly's POV also seems weak.

Another element that could be improved is the box left by Jack.
This seems a device of the author's, and it makes Molly seem
stupid.  It would be better if you could find another way to do
what you need to do.

Those are the main reactions I had to Chapter 1.  As I said
above, I think you did a very good job of getting the reader's
attention and holding it throughout.  I enjoyed reading the
chapter, and I hope my comments help you to improve it.

--Jeanne Cavelos
http://www.odysseyworkshop.org/


| - - REVIEWER HONOR ROLL - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

The Reviewer Honor Roll area of the workshop recognizes members who
have given useful, insightful reviews.  After all, that's what makes
the workshop go, so we want to give great reviewers a little
well-earned recognition!

If you got a really useful review and would like to add the reviewer
to the Reviewer Honor Roll, just use our online honor-roll nomination
form -- log in and link to it from the bottom of the Reviewer Honor
Roll page at http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml.
Your nomination will appear on the first day of the next calendar
month.

The Honor Roll will show all June nominations beginning July 1. Some
advance highlights from the June honor roll:

Reviewer: Mike Farrell
Submission: The Bloated Goat - Chapter 1 by Todd Field
Submitted by: Todd Field
Nominator's Comments: Mike gave an excellent review of my piece.  I
found many helpful bits of advice in many areas from pacing to
answering all my author questions.  His format is like a report so
that he assures all aspects are covered and is nice to read.  IMO,
most importantly, he speaks honestly and ends with an encouraging
thought.  Well done, Mike!

Reviewer: Keby Thompson-Boyer
Submission: Tomorrow - Hot Air Challenge  by Leah Corsaro
Submitted by: Leah Corsaro
Nominator's Comments: Keby took the time to not only point out my
work's weaknesses, but also to ask questions that helped me get some
distance from my characters.  I could see them more clearly and see my
story from the eyes of a first-time reader.  I felt her review was
comprehensive, constructive in a practical way, and very encouraging.
Thank you, Keby.

Reviewers nominated to the honor roll during May include: Hank Jones,
John Schoffstall, Kirsten Faisal,  Elizabeth Hull, Kevin Kibelstis,
Deb Atwood, Elizabeth Bear (2), Steve Kornic, Lizzie Newell, Christine
Fravil, Dean McMillin, Heather Williams (2), TC Thorn, Rob Campbell,
Sherry Thompson, Bonnie Freeman (2), Gene Spears, Dawn Meeks, Ilona
Gordon, Adrienne Allmann (2), Lynne Batik, Mike Farrell (5), Susan
Jett, Carlos Jimenez-Cortes, Kathryn Allen, Scott Clements, Leah
Corsaro, John Tremlett, Brenda Guest, Tim Brommer, Pamela OBrien,
Larry West, Marlissa Campbell, Trish Cramer, Lorraine Zaleski, Anna
Kashina, Keong L, Rhonda S. Garcia (4), Richard Johnson (2), Nemecio
R. Chavez, Jr., Carol Bartholomew (2), Helen Mazarakis, Joanne
Bradley, dena landon (2), Christiana Ellis, Trish Cramer (2), John
Borneman, Clover Autrey, Mike the janitor (Blumer), Lisa Clardy, Mark
Alger, Christiana Ellis, David Klecha, Keby Thompson-Boyer, Melissa
Richards, M Thomas, T.J. Taylor (2).

We congratulate them all for their excellent reviews. All nominations
received in May can be still found until July 1 at:
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml


| - - PUBLICATION ANNOUNCEMENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

We can't announce them if you don't let us know! So drop Charlie a
line at support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com whenever you have good
news to share.

Several members won or were nominated for awards this month:

Brad Beaulieu's fantasy short story "Flotsam" won second place in the
most recent Writers of the Future Contest.  He writes: "I received
invaluable advice on this story.  It never would have made it there
without help from the OWW critters."  Congratulations, Brad!

Charles Coleman Finlay's story "We Come Not to Praise Washington" was
shortlisted for the Sidewise Award for alternate history.

Karin Lowachee's multiple EC-winning novel WARCHILD has been nominated
for another prize, this time Canada's prestigious Aurora Award. Go
Karin!

Jennifer Michaels "Ruining Lunchtime" was chosen as one of the winning
entries of _The Writer's Ezine_ April 2003 Flash Fiction Contest.
(Jennifer tells us that another workshop member, Cal Bates, won as
well with "Junk Food." *sniff* Cal never emailed us, though.) Read the
winners at: (http://www.writers-ezine.com/contest/).

Darren Moore won twice. His story "The Most Daunting Task of All"
placed 2nd while his story "Path to F'Dar" placed 3rd, both in the
Professional Fantasy Category of the 2003 Eric Einersen Memorial Short
Story Contest. He told us "Both of these stories were critted at one
time or another here...Thanks all!" More simply, he added "me happy!"


Sales and Publications:

"Backhoe Vultures" by John Borneman can be found in the June issue of
_The Fortean Bureau_ (http://www.forteanbureau.com/).

Tim Brommer's first novel, THE HERETIC OF THE NORTH, is being
published by Runestone Hill press (http://www.runestonehill.com) in
early 2004. He told us this: "The novel is the story of a powerful
heretic priest, Orius Candell, and of the people who are unwittingly
paving the way for his rise to power. Many of the book's chapters were
workshopped in the OWW." Other new writers may want to check out Tim's
success story at the web site.

Stella Evans's as-of-yet-untitled "Moon Challenge" piece has been
accepted at _The Fortean Bureau_ (http://www.forteanbureau.com/). How
good do you have to be to sell untitled stories?! Sheesh.

Mark Fewell had an amazing month. His workshopped story "Stored
Dreams" appears in the Summer 2003 issue of _Fantastic Stories of the
Imagination_. He also received his contributor's copies of _Hadrosaur
Tales 16_ (http://www.zianet.com/hadrosaur/bookstore.html), with his
short story "The King Of Balloons," workshopped on the horror
workshop. And his story "Blood Is Thicker Than Caravan Pay" has been
accepted by _Shining Waters Fantasy Literature_.

Way back in November 2001, chapters from Tamara Siler Jones's GHOSTS
IN THE SNOW were runner-up EC for best fantasy chapter.  Now that
first novel and two others have been purchased by Bantam Dell. We
loved the understated subject line in her email to us: "I sold my book
 :)"

Cacy Hawkins's short stories "To Terinole" and "For True Love" will
appear in the summer issue of _Worlds of Wonder_. She informs us that
"both of these stories were workshopped with OWW people. I am very
grateful to them for their help!"

Sandra McDonald saw her story "The Ghost Girls of Rumney Mill" in the
August issue of _Realms of Fantasy_. (Yes, that's the one with the
Harry Potter headline on the cover.) Her story "Lost and Found" was
the lead story at _Strange Horizons_ (http://www.strangehorizons.com)
on 5/26/03.

Pam McNew's short story "A Daughter, Lost" was republished in a Folens
school text, along side other up-and-coming writers like Terry
Pratchett, J. R. R. Tolkien, Philip Pullman, Terry Bisson, and Alice
Walker. We're hoping she'll still talk to us when she sees us at cons
now. Wow.

New S&P regular Derek R. Molata sold a poem "Revolver" to the print
magazine _Shadowland_ for the Summer 2003 issue. His flash story
"Terminal Love" will appear in _AlienSkin Magazine_
(http://www.alienskinmag.com/) in the July issue.  He says, "Thanks to
all the helpful critters."

Sarah Prineas's first print sale "Seamtress" appears in the August
issue of _Realms of Fantasy_. She says it was "revised extensively via
the OWW."

"A Debased Comedy" by Gene Spears will appear in _Paradox_. He said,
calmly, that it's "MY VERY FIRST SALE!!  With big thanks to Randy
Simpson, Chris Coen, Kirsten Faisal, and Michael Keyton for their
helpful crits."

"Elf Aware" by Tempest, aka Finley Larkin, will appear in a special
print supplement of _The Cafe Irreal_. This was her second-person POV
challenge story.

2002 EC winner John S. Walsh sold "Bridge of Sand" to the British
print magazine version of _Alternate Species_ for their issue #2.

David Michael Wharton's comic story "The Waking Deep" appears in the
_Atomic Age Treasury of Pulp Action_, and his short story "Waiting for
Jackie" is being reprinted in the July issue of _Scorched Wings_. If
any of you know David, maybe you could get him to share some
information on those markets.


| - - WORKSHOP STATISTICS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

Number of members as of 6/20:  654 paying, 154 trial
Number of submissions currently online: 736
Percent of submissions with 3 or more reviews: 74.2%
Percent of submissions with zero reviews: 2.6%

Number of submissions in May: 562
Number of reviews in May: 2630
Ratio of reviews/submissions in May: 4.68
Estimated average word count per review in May: 569.9

Number of submissions in June to date: 353
Number of reviews in June to date: 1595
Ratio of reviews/submissions in June to date: 4.52
Estimated average word count per review in June to date: 594.3


| - - FEEDBACK - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

TIPS APPRECIATED

Got a helpful tip for your fellow members?  A trick or hint for
submitting or reviewing, for what to put in your author's comments,
for getting good reviews, or for formatting or titling your
submission?  Share it with us and we'll publish it in the next
newsletter.  Just send it to support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com and
we'll do the rest.

Until next month -- Just write!

The Online Writing Workshop for Science Fiction, Fantasy & Horror
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com
support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com

| - - Copyright 2003 Online Writing Workshops, LLC - - - - - - - - -|

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